It's Enough Just to Make You Feel Crazy, Crazy, Crazy

Today marks exactly one month since I launched this blog "for real."  That is--launched with a serious focus and plan for the way forward. (Whereas before it was kind of posting at random with no real end game).

While the past month has flown by, it feels like blogging has been a part of my life forever. (Which, in a way it kind of has, since I have been reading blogs and making off-and-on half-hearted attempts at blogging for years).  However, I am definitely still feeling like the new kid at school in the blogging world.  Maybe, like the rest of life, one never truly feels like he or she has everything all figured out in Blogland?

One thing I noticed prior to launching and continue to juggle with is the barrage of messages on various blogs, forums, social media outlets, etc. etc. etc. saying how important it is to GROW YOUR FOLLOWER BASE! GET ALL THE FOLLOWERS! YOUR WORTH IS DEFINED BY WHETHER OR NOT YOUR FOLLOWER COUNT HAS A "K" NEXT TO IT.


(I apologize for the shouting text. But I truly feel like these messages are shouting at me, so artistic liberties were taken with the CapsLock).

Sometimes, as a very new and very small blogger (with a very humble follower count), it can get intimidating.  You know, like that feeling when a cool kid at school asks you to eat lunch with her because she legitimately wants to get to know you.  But you can't relax because all you can think about is how all the other kids are silently making fun of you, waiting for you to turn your back so they can laugh out loud. I would be lying if I said it all didn't make me at least a little bit crazy.

I'm not sure if that is making any sense, but I will continue.

The funny thing is, I got into this blogging thing thinking OK, I am just going to go for it and not give an EFF about follower count and all that business.  I am just going to create content that I love and focus on building a network of other people with similar interests. Because I am not interested in trying to get insta-famous or grab all the followers.  I just want to share my art and make friends.  (Although, full disclosure, if I can replace my part-time income in retail with income from this blog, I won't be complaining).

But it turns out that social media isn't always the most social, conducive-to-friend-making place.  Almost everyone has an agenda, and the follow-only-to-unfollow-once-they-get-a-follow-back friends abound.  This has been a bit of a culture shock for sensitive little me: when someone followed me in the beginning (so two weeks ago), I thought: "Oh yay! A new friend!"  Only to take it like a punch in the gut when said "friend" would disappear from my follower count just a few hours later: "OMG. My content is terrible! They hate me!"  So, it turns out I do, kind of, sort of actually care about follow count? Shock horror!  (I think it is actually an indicator of the fact that the act of "believing in myself" is always a constant struggle).

The funny thing is that in real life, I really could not give two hoots if people like me or not.  I truly do not care. Seriously.  There are people in this world that I do not care for, and there are certainly people who do not care for me.  And that's totally okay.  Not everyone has to like everyone.  So why do I suddenly care when it comes to blogging and social media?  Perhaps it has something to do with blogging's connection to the creative process--the notion that creativity inherently requires participants to share a tiny piece of their soul.

Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that shameless self-promotion (the essence of social media) leaves me with a gross feeling in my stomach. A feeling I have a very hard time retuning to a more positive vibe.  Which in turn makes me feel awkward, which then is probably super obvious to anyone paying attention.  Your awkward is showing!

I am not quite sure what the point of this post was.  It most certainly was not to complain about my growing pains as a blogger, because I am aware that all of this is all a part of the process.  This post can, however, serve as a means of documenting said growing pains.  A means of keeping me humble and focused on why I'm really here: to create, to write, to share my style and adventures with anyone who cares. All while staying true to myself and who I really am in this world.  Because if there is one thing I am incapable of being, it's fake.

On that note, I will leave you with two things:

Tuesday's Instagram post:


This delightful quote I tweeted from a recent Vogue article:

"Being popular on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly"

Happy Friday!
Thanks for your support during this first month of blogging!

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